#561. How the Science of Attachment Can Help You Make and Keep Friends | Dr. Marisa G. Franco

Did you know that having friends can make you less depressed? One survey found that the average American had not made a new friend in the last five years but 45% of people said they would go out of their way to make a new friend if they only knew how.   

Our guest today, Dr. Marisa G. Franco, has written a bestselling book about how understanding your own psychological makeup and attachment style can help you make and keep friends. Franco is a psychologist and a professor at the University of Maryland. Her book is called Platonic: How the Science of Attachment Can Help You Make–and Keep–Friends.

‍This is episode three of a four part series in which we are doing some counter programming against the typical Valentine's Day fair. 

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In this episode we talk about:

• Why friendship is undervalued in our society (while romantic love is overvalued) and why this is damaging on both a societal and individual level
• The impact of technology on our relationships as explained by something called “displacement theory”
• The biological necessity of social connection and the devastating physiological and psychological impacts of loneliness 
• Attachment style and its relationship to our friendships
• What you can do to make friends, including being open or vulnerable (without oversharing)
• How to reframe social rejection
• The importance of generosity
• How to handle conflict with your friends
• The difference between flaccid safety and dynamic safety in your friendships
• When to walk away from a relationship 
• How to make friends across racial, gender, and socioeconomic lines
• How to deal with social anxiety
• And how our evolutionarily wired negativity bias can impact the process of making friends

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‍Where to find Dr. Marisa G. Franco online: 

Website: drmarisagfranco.com

Social Media:

• Twitter 
• Instagram

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Books Mentioned:

• Platonic: How the Science of Attachment Can Help You Make–and Keep–Friends
• Bowling Alone: The Collapse and Revival of American Community

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Other Resources Mentioned:

• How to Speak Clearly, Calmly, and Without Alienating People | Dan Clurman and Mudita Nisker
• Strategies for Social Anxiety | Ellen Hendriksen
• The Brain Science of Enlightenment | Rick Hanson
• A Buddhist Recipe for Handling Turmoil | Kaira Jewel Lingo
• How to Keep Your Relationships On the Rails | Kaira Jewel Lingo
• What Science and Buddhism Say About How to Regulate Your Own Nervous System | Deb Dana & Kaira Jewel Lingo

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Additional Resources:

Download the Ten Percent Happier app today: https://10percenthappier.app.link/install